Complete Guide for Parents and Family of Adults with Addiction

Many times, families know or sense that there is a problem prior to their child acknowledging that they have a problem with addiction. While there is no single indicator for substance use, patterns of behavior that occur over time can give evidence of concern.[4]

Examples of pattern behaviors that may indicate a need for help include:

• Changes in mood and behavior
• Withdrawal from the family and social situations
• Increased levels of secrecy and defensiveness
• Ongoing financial issues and unexplained expenses
• Declining mental or physical health
• Continuing to experience crises related to drug or alcohol use
• Broken promises and neglecting personal responsibility
• Increased instabilities related to work, school, and relationships

The focus should be on behaviors that are a pattern, and not just on events that occurred in isolation. Addressing matters of concern through curiosity, rather than accusation, is beneficial to family members maintaining lines of effective communication.

It can be difficult for families to figure out how to help the person with the substance use disorder while not enabling their behavior. Enabling may come from love and fear, not always from neglect or denial.
Examples of how families may unintentionally enable a person with a substance use disorder:

• Covering up the consequences of a loved one’s substance use
• Providing money, housing, or resources for the loved one’s substance use
• Making excuses to co-workers, schools, or other family members
• Continually rescuing the loved one from the consequences of their actions
• Avoiding discussing substance use to maintain “peace”

While these actions may reduce short-term stress, they can also delay accountability and reduce motivation for change.[5]

Examples of how families can help without enabling:

• Honestly and calmly express your concern without blame or accusation
• Establish clear boundaries about what you will do or not do to support them and stick to these boundaries
• Allow natural consequences to occur when boundaries are crossed
• Encourage them to seek professional help, but do not force or threaten them
• Focus on your emotional well-being, not trying to control their actions

Helping without enabling means offering support that encourages responsibility and recovery rather than avoidance. It allows families to remain compassionate while protecting their own emotional health and stability.

Boundaries serve to protect both a family and the individual with a substance use disorder. Boundaries are not threats or punishments; they are clear limits on what behavior a family member will or will not accept.
Examples of healthy boundaries:

• Limits on how much financial help or access to money you will provide
• Knowing what will be acceptable and unacceptable for living together or supporting each other
• What constitutes respectful communication
• Rules about substance use in the home or other shared spaces
• Not covering for and managing unacceptable behavior

Setting boundaries can be uncomfortable if one feels guilt and fear. However, boundaries create stability and predictability for everyone involved and help to reduce chaos.[6] It is essential to be consistent when implementing boundaries. If a boundary is not enforced, it creates confusion and erodes trust.

Talking to a family member about his or her addiction is rarely easy. It may be that family members worry they may say the wrong thing and will push the loved one away. There is no perfect way to approach the conversation.

If you choose to have the discussion, do so calmly. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and speak to specific concerns and not labels. This will help reduce a loved one’s defensiveness. Often, it is helpful to express your care and concern for the loved one, without discussing whether or not the loved one has an addiction.

Additionally, families should prepare for the possibility that the loved one may not be ready to accept help. Just because a loved one does not accept help at that time does not mean that the family has failed them.

Families need support just as much as the person struggling with addiction does. Education, connection, and guidance can make a meaningful difference in how families cope, set boundaries, and care for their own well-being. 

The following resources are widely trusted and designed specifically for parents and family members of those struggling with addiction.

National Helplines and Educational Resources

• SAMHSA’s National Helpline provides free, confidential information and referrals for mental health and substance use issues, 24/7.
• National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) provides research-based information to educate families on addiction, treatment, and recovery.

Support Groups for Families

• Al-Anon Family Groups support families and loved ones who are impacted by another person’s use of alcohol.
• Nar-Anon Family Groups offer peer support for families and friends of drug users.
• Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) supports individuals who grew up in families impacted by addiction.

Mental Health and Family Support

• NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) provides families with education programs and offers support groups.
• Family therapy or individual counseling may help a parent or family member deal with stress, trauma, or communication issues. Reach out to a local healthcare provider for more information.

Families looking for additional education and guidance can also explore Agape Treatment Center’s resource page, which offers information designed to help loved ones better understand addiction, treatment options, and the recovery process.

Seeking help for yourself is not giving up on your loved one. It is an essential step in staying informed and emotionally healthy while navigating an incredibly difficult situation.